I love fanfiction. I like to read fanfiction since eight grade of junior high school. It's been nine years since. And I still reading fanfiction till nowadays. I'm in my very late college year now. I'm supposed to graduate this year. I really hope I could. I only read a fanfiction with my otp as the main ship (or sometimes side ship if the main ship is my side otp too) in the story. And also I like monogamous story when the romantic relationship only happen between two main characters. I can't read fanficitions when my otp are in a polyamorous relationship, I dont know I just can't, not trying to be offensive to polyamorous relationship's fan but as for me relationship supposed to be happen with only two person in it. I really like alternate universe fiction, especially if they were portrayed as college/university students akskskaksl i love it so much. I like it when one of the character is a broke college student who works part time in a coffee shop. I like it when the character is a grown up ass man who is still single and can't get his shit together. I like it when the story is angsty and a bit slow burn, and one of the character develop a mutual pinning with his crush. I like the story when the characters have a meet cute in a coffee shop or in a bar. And the most important over all of it is I like angst with happy ending. ajsjsjsjsjsskskskal i'm goin wildin. I'm not a huge fan of romance ( for god sake i'll turn into twenty fucking two years old this august and i still have never be in a relationship before if ya feel me) but if it comes to my otp's romance i'm all soft.
When I'm still in junior high school I thought later when I were in college I will finally get a boyfriend, but turned out I didnt get any d*ck at all. I thought i will be in a serious relationship with someone already in college, having someone to hang out with, someone who will accompany me eating, going shopping, someone who pick me up before and after class. Someone I can count my life on. But turned out i'm not a huge fan of my own life romance and I decided I didnt really need someone by my side to be my partner. I decided that I'm better alone because relationship is kind of a burden for me. I have a deep seated fear of intimacy and I have commitment issuess too, guess I would never get a boyfriend at all. Fuck i didnt even know wether i will get married or not someday. College life will really be over this year and everyone else seems doing fine with their life, idk about me, do I doing my life okay? or no? I dont know, I'm always feel lost and cofused all the time. I'm not a good college student, I'm not a straight-B student, let alone straight A, i have a lot of C and D (even E) on my study report. But it's all allright for me. I'm all okay with that. College is a real hard for someone as dumb as me but I am happy because I've come this far. I'm happy because there, in college, I learn a lot. Not literally learing in class but learn from a lot of mistakes and the wrong choices that I made. College life got me so broken and shits, I got bad grades, bump into wrong peoples, fake companions, homesick, a lot of debts, broke days where I really cant eat anything, losing keys and atm cards, losing my minds, cramming for exams, depression, mental illnesses, personality disorders, suck community service project, tumblrs, fangirling over oppars, come back to Allah, betrayals, enlightments, sudden realization, awakening, painful grow up, everything that makes me 'me' now. And the most interesting thing to be in college is I can have a life like in a fanfiction, like the life of my bias have in an alternate universe fanfiction college!student and i can feel relate to them as I read the fic and sipping over my cheap coffee that I bought at the basement of library when I go to library alone and all of the sensation that I feel through my college days, I could never been happier. Yes I'm broke. Yes I single and didnt have boyfriend since forever and didnt have cheesy rom-com love story as I thought I would when I was teenager, but it's all okay. Even without the things i used to thought i need, i'm still doing my life just okay. And I feel grateful to be a part of English Department Student of Sebelas Maret University. And If I were exist in some other universes, I hope the other version of me are doing fine with their life even if it turned out to not be as they wish. I hope they are grateful with every single little thing that happen in their life and see it as a magic, even if other people see it as ordinary things. Whoah, I'm getting emotional. Goodbye for now.
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