I love fanfiction. I like to read fanfiction since eight  grade of junior high school. It's been nine years since. And I still reading fanfiction till nowadays. I'm in my very late college year now. I'm supposed to graduate this year. I really hope I could. I only read a fanfiction with my otp as the main ship (or sometimes side ship if the main ship is my side otp too) in the story. And also I like monogamous story when the romantic relationship only happen between two main characters. I can't read fanficitions when my otp are in a polyamorous relationship, I dont know I just can't, not trying to be offensive to polyamorous relationship's fan but as for me relationship supposed to be happen with only two person in it. I really like alternate universe fiction, especially if they were portrayed as college/university students akskskaksl i love it so much. I like it when one of the character is a broke college student who works part time in a coffee shop. I like it when the character is a grown up ass man who is still single and can't get his shit together. I like it when the story is angsty and a bit slow burn, and one of the character develop a mutual pinning with his crush. I like the story when the characters have a meet cute in a coffee shop or in a bar. And the most important over all of it is I like angst with happy ending. ajsjsjsjsjsskskskal i'm goin wildin. I'm not a huge fan of romance ( for god sake i'll turn into twenty fucking two years old this august and i still have never be in a relationship before if ya feel me) but if it comes to my otp's romance i'm all soft.
When I'm still in junior high school I thought later when I were in college I will finally get a boyfriend, but turned out I didnt get any d*ck at all. I thought i will be in  a serious relationship with someone already in college, having someone to hang out with, someone who will  accompany me eating, going shopping, someone who pick me up before and after class. Someone I can count my life  on. But turned out i'm not a huge fan of my own life romance and I  decided I didnt really need someone by my side to be my partner. I decided that I'm better alone because relationship is kind of a burden for me. I have a deep seated fear of intimacy and I have commitment issuess too, guess I would never get a boyfriend at all. Fuck i didnt even know wether i will get married or not someday. College life will really be over this year and everyone else seems doing fine with their life, idk about me, do I doing my life okay? or no? I dont know, I'm always feel lost and cofused all the time. I'm not a good college student, I'm not a straight-B student, let alone straight A, i have a lot of C and D (even E) on my study report. But it's all allright for me. I'm all okay with that. College is a real hard for someone as dumb as me but I am happy because I've come this far. I'm happy because there, in college, I learn a lot. Not literally learing in class but learn from a lot of mistakes and the wrong choices that I made. College life got me so broken and shits, I got bad grades, bump into wrong peoples, fake companions, homesick, a lot of debts, broke days where I really cant eat anything, losing keys and atm cards, losing my minds, cramming for exams, depression, mental illnesses, personality disorders, suck community service project, tumblrs, fangirling over oppars, come back to Allah, betrayals, enlightments, sudden realization, awakening, painful grow up, everything that makes me 'me' now. And the most interesting thing to be in college is I can have a life like in a fanfiction, like the life of my bias have in an alternate universe fanfiction college!student and i can feel relate to them as I read the fic and sipping over my cheap coffee that I bought at the basement of library when I go to library alone and all of the sensation that I feel through my college days, I could never been happier. Yes I'm broke. Yes I single and didnt have boyfriend since forever and didnt have cheesy rom-com love story as I thought I would when I was teenager, but it's all okay. Even without the things i used to thought i need, i'm still doing my life just okay. And I feel grateful to be a part of English Department Student of Sebelas Maret University. And If I were exist in some other universes, I hope the other version of me are doing fine with their life even if it turned out to not be as they wish. I hope they are grateful with every single little thing that happen in their life and see it as a magic, even if other people see it as ordinary things. Whoah, I'm getting emotional. Goodbye for now.

       Haaai blogku, I miss ya. Fiuh, udah lamaaa banget gak pernah posting apa-apa disini. Maafkan aku huhuhu, ini semua karena ketidak mampuanku untuk efektif membagi-bagi fokus dan waktu huhuhuhu. Jujur ini aku mau nulis apaan juga bingung. Mau curhat apaan juga bingung. Mungkin curhat soal kuliah aja kali ya, hidupku isinya sangat tida menarik dan tida berfaedah hhh. Jadi, ini adalah (semoga) tahun terakhirku di perkuliahan. Sekarang aku angkatan tertua di kampus. Nggak nyangka udah sejauh ini. Nggak nyangka aku sanggup nyampe ke sini, masalahnya aku menjalani kegiatan perkuliahan dengan terseok-seok gitu deh karena aku nggak pinter dan super berantakan. Gini ya ternyata jadi angkatan yang paling tua di kampus. Berasa kaya nenek moyang, tua banget. Hidupnya makin ke sini makin keliatan krik-krik tapi sebenernya hektik. Hektik laporan magang, hektik skripsian yang di oprak-oprak disuruh cepet lulus tahun ini, hektik usia nambah tua, hektik temen-temen udah pada mulai kerja dan dapet kerjaan tapi aku masih jadi broke college student aja ajsjskakaskskl, hektik lah pokoknya. Aku nggak tau harus ngapain dan gimana, goddamit aku bingung banget kudu tak gimanain hidupku nih. Aku pengen kerja tapi aku bingung banget, gak bisa bagi fokus. Kalo aku fokus sama satu hal, ya aku ga bisa fokus sama hal yang lain. Aku juga sebenernya udah ikut jualan reseller jilbab mbakku tapi sepi dan aku tida berbakat jadi pedagang kayaknya, aku bukan orang yang telaten dan rajin apdet sesuatu. Aku antara apdet semua barang dalam sehari sekalian dan ga apdet apa apa sama sekali berminggu-minggu. I'm suck at anything, really. Aku juga masih ada kelas yang ngulang, meski cuma satu sih, tapi tetep aja gak tenang hidupku kalo mau tak sambi kerja tuh. Tambah ke sini tambah kere aja, padahal tambah banyak tanggungan. The8 (hpku) punya 2 kartu SIM utama yang aku ga bisa give up di salah satunya karena dua duanya sama sama penting buat aku. AA Jidi (motorku) juga butuh bensin dan agak boros, aku agak tekor ngasih dia makan terus, aku kan jobless, pennyless. Aku emang suka namain barang yang aku punya, soalnya kan kasian kalo no name, jadi kerasa gaada ikatan, kalo ada namanya kan jadi timbul rasa sayang #ahsek. Aku inget di kelas semantik pak Buwas pernah bercanda kalo misal aku punya banyak bebek, semua bebeknya bakal aku kasih nama. He didn't know me that well tho. But that thing is right about me. Si bapak ni, becanda aja deh. Jangankan benda hidup, benda mati aja aku kasih nama semua, bahkan diary-diaryku yang dulu pada aku kasih nama. Anyway, I'm still working on my thesis topic. It's about swearing words and relationship. Lagi mau nulis chapter 3. Semoga semuanya di lancarkan. Semoga juni bisa sidang. Semoga agustus bisa wisuda. Semoga abis itu bisa dapet kerja. Semoga setelahnya bisa dapet beasiswa kuliah es dua. Allah, help me!